…It’s a big deal to me how I feel all grown up, how my brain is moving forward while my body seems to show zero signs of change. I just can’t help myself sometimes. I’m a terrible mess right now, because I think… I think I’m in love. Big sigh and all that nonsense.
I never thought of romantic love before now. You know, the kind that makes you sad and happy at the same time. At least that’s what it feels like to me. It makes me feel like I’m in a bubble looking out or vice versa. Trapped. Like it hurts but it doesn’t. Sweet ache. Like butterflies with knives in your belly. Tense. Like you could burst into song and dance but cry out of desperation. Crazy. My friend Pamela says I’m going through the change. She makes it sound like menopause. I’m certain she means puberty though. If she’s right, I wish I had more insight into the process. Not from books or videos but from God Himself. I mean what was He thinking really! It’s just weird. How can you squeeze a woman out of a child like that!
Some Kind of Heaven
© 2017 Mel Gutiér