Matl-ism — Bad thoughts


Joseph is staring at me while I’m sketching. It makes me nervous and shy.

“Stop staring at me.”

“Can’t help it. Are you happy?”

“Very. This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

We lock into each other. I don’t feel thirteen. I feel older. When I’m with him, it just feels different and it feels right. He scoots up closer and plants a kiss on my cheek. It makes me blush. I feel the heat on my face.

“You look really beautiful.”

He says sighing. I look up still feeling a little shy. He’s so beautiful himself. It’s like time has stopped. Looking at him like a dork probably and maybe even salivating a little.

“So do you.”

I tell him quietly and our eyes lock more intensely than before. I break the force between us and finish my sketch.

“Matl… you’re really good. Does your Dad know you’re this good? I mean what you’re doing is perfect.”

“You really think so? Dad’s been asking me if I would like to try for architecture or art even. I’m just not sure what I want to do yet.”

“Well, I think you can do both. Why can’t you be an artist and an architect? If anyone can do it, it’s you. Architecture is art.”

His smile is so beautiful. My mouth waters. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him on the lips. He clears his throat and looks at his phone.

“Okay… we have to go meet them. Wait until you see where we’re having lunch.”


“You’ll see. You think you can eat something? It’s okay if you can’t. Either way I think you’ll like it.”

“I do feel hungry. I’m excited. I love surprises.”

“I know you do. I’m so glad you’re happy. I wasn’t sure if this would be okay with you or not. I was nervous about it. I want to be the best for you.”

“Are you talking about hanging out with you like this?”

“Yeah. You, me and our parents. It’s a little weird. Don’t you think?”

“A bit. But… it doesn’t matter. You’re my favorite person in the world. I’d be happy anywhere with you even in a cold Siberian desert.”

“Then I am the luckiest boy alive.”

“Man. Man alive.”

I correct him. He smiles, laughing as he kisses my hand. He is a man to me. A man I want. Someday I’m going to drive him so crazy he won’t be able to keep his hands off of me. Such a dream. Big sigh with curiosity making me push the limits.

“What did Dad whisper to you earlier?”

“I knew you would ask me. Don’t worry. He just basically reminded me of the rules for today.”

“The rules?”

Gosh. Why didn’t they tell me the rules too?

“Yeah… just… you know – this.”

He says pointing at me, him and our hands clasped together.

“This what?”

“Just that I’m… we’re only allowed to hold hands. That’s it. Basically, nothing else is allowed.”

“Why are people always making rules up for me and not even telling me?”

“Well I was supposed to tell you this morning but we fell asleep. I asked them to let me tell you. Sorry. Are you upset?”

“No but it just reminds me that I’m still not old enough to…” I’m so annoyed. I look away at the wall as we walk. “Never mind.”

“It’s okay. You can tell me. I can take it.”

Really? Hmm…


I blurt it out on purpose, looking straight at him, just to put it out there in his brain. I wanted to say old enough to be with him but my brain is crazy with this closeness. He starts to clear the shock out of his throat and it turns into a cough almost choking him. I have a serious smile on me now. I’m dead serious. Sex is my middle name right now. His naked body touching my naked body. He’s turning all shades of red.

“Hey… are you okay? You said you could take it.”

“Yeah… I mean I can take it. It just caught me… off guard and what does sex have to do with today?”

I hesitate but…

“I think about it a lot.”


“Yes… with you. My naked picture of you is in my head. Don’t have to cut and paste your face on anyone else’s body.”

He clears his throat again with a bit of a gasping sound. I’m not smiling anymore. I want him and if I were older I’d ask him to take me to a hotel and make love to me. I might go to hell for all my bad thoughts but he makes it difficult on me.


Some Kind of Heaven

© 2017  Mel Gutiér


This is the last of the Matl-isms you’ll see.  It felt good to let the bits out.  Please comment/like or let me know what and why you didn’t like (it).  The feedback is invaluable to me.

More to say on this later.

Love ya’ll!

25 thoughts on “Matl-ism — Bad thoughts

    1. Its looking more like November. Self publishing through Amazon. I’m still polishing it up.

      Hey… I saw you have merch. And your band… Love it. Will check out more.

      Where are you located. No specifics. Are you US based?


      1. It’s funny, when you mentioned, “see you at the red carpet,” I really thought about that – making a living off writing. I guess this blog is my first attempt at it. Not sure where I would fit in i.e. blogs, novels, etc. But yes, I would love to get paid for doing something I really enjoy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I love writing. I’ve always made stuff up and in college I wrote a lot. I got a job, became a stay at home mom and it took a tragedy to bring me back to writing. I love music and movies. I always felt I could tell a love story better than some I’ve seen. So here I am. I didn’t expect to love blogging so much but I do.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You know. I couldn’t find my Charlie posts then I realized I didn’t put the menu in the widget for the side bar. They are there now in order from top to bottom. Just in case you were looking.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I could go into an epic tale about it. I think you’ve already read Writing Matl part 1 so go to part 2 I think. LOL My head is crazy right now.

      I might do a catch up post about it though soon.


      1. I love saying ya’ll. It’s a Texas thing. I’m proud to be a Texan. But yes I have to admit… I do love all things/people British.

        Yes you’ve all affected me. Especially a certain hybrid Greek/Brit Babe!

        Liked by 1 person

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