100 DoRaM: Day 27 – Affection

I’m not going to pretend that this “writer’s life” hasn’t affected me a little negatively. It is a lonely profession. I’m in my head most of the time and though I’m surrounded by loved ones, I feel that loneliness so strongly at times. I find myself without the affection I need, crave. It doesn’t feel good. I’m lost at times wondering, wanting to find my way back before this life. Again, I go back to… what was I before this? I can’t remember. There is something to this isolation, this life devoid of real affection. Obviously, I feel it, the affection, but it’s like I don’t feel them feeling me. I’m too in my head and they don’t know what’s up there only I do and now some of you do.

I’m not depressed. I’m not going to go jump off a cliff or anything. I was just thinking today how important affection is. That’s all. How necessary it is to our existence. A look, a touch, a caress, a simple act of kindness. The fondness of a lover. The tenderness of a mother. This kiss of your child before going to bed. Kind words commented, imprinted on your blog. LOL. Yes. I have affection but still I feel it missing somehow. I’m affected by my actions, good and bad, that puts me in a position of great disparity. I’m at a disadvantage. Balance. In need of that. But the name of this post is affection.

I want to switch gears now. Not because I’m afraid to keep talking about how I’m affected by this life, but because I write the fiction and I live in my head with it.

Affection between lovers. For me it goes beyond the sex. It’s the look you give to each other when you share the same opinion about something you’ve just seen happen. The way you set the coffee in front of her in the morning before she rushes off to work. The way you look at him while he’s reading in bed. Walking together holding hands without saying a word. That feeling you get when you know he’s late but he shows up with a flower. The courtesy you show each other when there is only one cookie left in the cookie jar. It’s the small simple, subtleties that make you breathe-sigh, swell with affection.

You linger in his gaze holding on to his thoughts with your heart. He holds your purse for you so that you don’t have to lug it around while you’re antiquing at a vintage shop. You give up your seat so she can be at ease in the discomfort of a crowded train. The song you play for him so he feels better about his life, his choices. How she wears a little black dress even when you’re staying in for dinner. Those sweet behaviors that are for your eyes only. That’s the affection I dream of. It is a dream. To have that caress your soul… delicious.

Cigarettes After Sex is by far one of my favorite bands.  They literally make me breathe-sigh all the time. It’s soft but they have a bite that aches.  I love everything they do! I’m about to rape these lyrics with all my love, though.

I know that you say I get mean when I’m drinking,
But you still come after me and kiss me.

But then again sometimes I get really sweet
And you melt into me.

So what does it mean if I tell you to go fuck yourself
But still love me because I’m true

Or if I say that you’re beautiful to me
When you’re wearing nothing but my love

It’s affection always,
To hold you tender

You’re gonna see it someday
Even when I’m not around

My attention for you
Is boundless and so loving

Even if it’s not what you need
I’ll always be there because I want to

Sometimes we talk all night long, we don’t shut up
But then the silence breaks us into a deep gaze

And when it’s late we’ll say we’re still wide awake so…
We yawn and you cuddle into me whispering love in my ear

We love to talk about how you’ll come up to visit me
Sacrificing your time and money

And we’ll rent a car & we’ll drive upstate
Like kids without a care

It’s affection always,
My heart holding yours

You’re gonna see it someday
In full abandon for you

My attention’s on you
Is intense and full of love

Even if it’s not what you need
It matters not because I love you

I think of you,
Breathe-sigh

I want you too,
Deliciously

I’d fall for you
Unconditionally

I think of you,
Always

I want you too,
Forever

I’d fall for you
Relentlessly

I think of you,
Intensely

I want you too,
Passionately

I’d fall for you
Poetically

I think of you,
Profoundly

I want you too,
Lovingly

I’d fall for you
Fondly

It’s affection always…
Unwavering

It’s affection always…
Powerful

© 2017 Mel Gutiér

Love y’all!

Thank you so much for reading and listening.

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/cigarettesaftersex/affection.html

 

15 thoughts on “100 DoRaM: Day 27 – Affection

  1. The universe you described… I’d love to live in it. I pre-loved that song, knowing it would be good, but I love it more now. The song you play so he’ll feel better…

    Affection is probably the most important bond between people. It’s constant reassurance that someone else is there for you, with you. A good feeling. And you’ve described it beautifully. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The little things like wearing a little black dress when you’re staying in for dinner and holding hands without saying a word just define “affection”, at least for me. I love this concept of putting music with your writing, it adds a little something extra that I can’t put my finger on, but I just love! Also if you were to be put in charge of rewriting the whole Twilight series, I would totally read it. Just saying xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. superwifeandmummy

    Beautiful as always. I think it’s the small, tender gestures you spoke about that truly give you that gut wrenching, aching affection for another person. That you are so much embedded in their mind that the small tender moments cannot help but escape and show themselves and break your heart from joy.
    I felt your words as always. We all need tenderness and affection. The absence of it can be soul destroying but its presence is a life force.
    Ok. Continuing my morning routina
    Love to you 💜❤💋

    Liked by 2 people

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