The truth is that music is the world I like to get lost in the most. That’s my reality.
I’m not going to lie. Recently I’ve been dragging my thoughts to the ground feeling that I’ve been doing everything in my life the wrong way. I’ve been on a road to nowhere. Perfect loved ones have become perfect strangers and when I look in the mirror the world is in commotion to find me in a different state… a different everything. That woman… that girl in the mirror, I hadn’t seen her in such a long time. All of a sudden… there she is. Half crying, half laughing, half of somebody that got lost years ago only to be found again by some miracle of a tragedy.
This song means a lot to me. As young girl I knew that I was different than anyone in my family. My Mexican background doesn’t show up on this blog too much but I am an American born Mexican. One that grew up very much in the culture but lived very much in a different world. A world she created because it made more sense to her than her reality. New Order became an ultimate escape… a world for me to run wild with emotional abandon. I felt that every word was spoken for me, to me. This particular song took me to a place where I could breathe a different air. It described my feelings of frustration with a world that didn’t understand me. I didn’t fit in with my family and I didn’t fit in with my “friends”. I fit only in the New Order.
I don’t regret my past because it has made me who I am now, this moment. I like myself now more than ever. I like the chaos in my head, the fiction dancing in it. I love creating worlds, acting like a criminal with my thoughts, a heathen. It’s my non-fiction and I’m not apologizing for it.
Thank you so much for reading and for listening.